Let’s talk Insecurity | How to deal with Insecurities

Photo by Rosalind Chang on Unsplash — *Photo by* *Rosalind Chang* on *Unsplash*

A lot of people don’t want to think that they’re insecure. They see that as a weakness. They don’t think they have any insecurities. But, we all of have insecurities.

Are you self-conscious about something? That may be an insecurity. Are you easily triggered by something someone says? That could stem from an insecurity. Does something someone says hurt you? That could also stem from an insecurity.

Why insecurity can be an issue

It’s a problem when it stops us from believing in the truth and skews the way we see ourselves or see other people.

It’s a problem when our insecurity affects the way we interpret what someone says. Someone could say something and mean nothing of it, but our insecurity causes us to project a certain meaning to what the person is saying so we end up completely misunderstanding them.

It’s a problem when our insecurity creates a void so we become dependent on others to fill it. Sometimes our insecurity causes us to constantly look for affirmation or validation from others.

It’s a problem when our insecurity causes us to not take responsibility for what we say or how we respond. Or we blame others for why we reacted the way we did.

It’s a problem when we project our own insecurity onto people. Our insecurity is how we see ourselves or how we perceive ourselves and has nothing to do with our partners or friends, but we project that perspective onto them, and we’re convinced they see us that way too.

Insecurity is more than just looks:

Insecurity comes in many shapes and forms.
It’s more than just physical appearance.
It can be the way we talk. The way we act. The way we feel love and give love. The way we feel respected and give respect. All of that can be part of our insecurity.
Limiting beliefs is also a branch of insecurity.

Find where your insecurity stems from

Your insecurity has to do more with the way you think about yourself and the way you perceive yourself, the way you feel about yourself—consciously or subconsiously.

We can project that insecurity onto others and convince ourselves that they must think about us that way too. But honestly, more likely than not, other people don’t see us the way we see ourselves at all.

Sometimes our insecurity is so hidden or suppressed in our subconscious we’re convinced it doesn't exist. If this is the case, ask yourself, when are you triggered? What does someone say or do that triggers you? Why does it trigger you? From there you can discover if it’s an insecurity you have to work through or an emotional wound you have to heal from (sometimes it’s both). Trigger can be anything that makes you feel sad, angry, anxious, uncomfortable, disappointed.

Find where that insecurity comes from. Is it from never being picked first during gym class in grade school? Is it from being abandoned by friends and relatives? Is it from the lack of emotion connection with a parent or guardian? Is it from not having good grades? Is it from being told you were ugly? Is it from being called names or being bullied?

Is your insecurity from a place of unhealthy comparison or a projected expectation of what or who you should be?

A few things to help

Give yourself permission to be vulnerable & transparent
Reflect, reflect, reflect (not about someone else, but about you: why did you respond that way, why did you do that, why do you believe that, why can’t you believe this, why do you think this or that).
Talk to a trusted friend (someone who will ask questions and listen, not someone who knows-it-all)
Go to therapy
Find ways to overcome or heal from your insecurities.

Some Reminders

Everyone is different—that means the size of our insecurity will be different and we deal with them differently.
You learn, you grow, you change—that means your insecurity can change too.
Just because someone thinks you shouldn’t have any insecurity doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
You can be both confident and insecure. They can co-exist.
Don’t compare your life to someone else’s social media feed. People only show highlight reels or branding images. Those don’t reflect their everyday life.
You are not your insecurity.

I have many insecurities. I’ve worked through many of them but a lot of them I’m still wrestling through at this very moment. But I’ve found the power in courage and overcoming. I also realized that I can be patient and give myself permission to be patient as I heal grow and change. And I hope you do too.